Feeling All Over The Place !!! Good Ole Grief

As I go through my day today I have been filled with so many emotions, not to mention tapping into some old feelings of anger and resentment. I know my feelings are by all means normal and understandable but I can't help but feel wrong for feeling this way. So I guess instead of letting my feelings get out of control and saying or doing something I'll later regret I'm going to blog my feelings, that is what I started this blog for right lol. It all starts with not feeling well so obviously everything is going to be intensified but that's just the gist of it. Today I sign onto my accounts like I do everyday and see the same nonsense I see everyday but today what I signed onto to see and read hit a really sore spot in me. I see people and things that burn my heart to a core. How is it or should I say where were all these people when my children and life were in need of support? Why weren't any of you present as I watched my baby slowly die? Where was all this love your showing the next person? I know I shouldn't be upset that anyone is lending support or living in the moment to the newness wares off but It broke my heart because for the first time in forever this support to whom they were given it too is part of a very bitter and ruff past, so I guess that definitely feed my anger and hurt. I'm happy if they changed or maybe realized from there past but if you knew them you would definitely know that's not the case. It's all fake and phony but all bullshit aside how could they not be there for my daughter there blood and I'm not talking about my daughter Cheanelle who passed , My daughter Francesca! I couldn't help but break down into tears and then pure anger. I hate that I suffered and I hate that they weren't there to support me but I really hate that till this day my daughter lives in the shadows of others who aren't well rounded and making strides to have a better future then me or them. They should be proud of her!! She's going to be walking across the stage and graduating this June something by the way I myself , my kids Dad or My parents never achieved. So how is it that she's the underdog here ? I think I could accept things better in my heart If I felt that my daughter was getting the same love, respect and admiration that another person same age as her and same family to them only thing different is the mother's name on the birth certificate. It's so sad, hurtful and really hard to make sense of. It's not like my daughter did anything to any of them but since day one she has been a target , her sister too and naturally me but all that nonsense aside what does that have to do with loving your children and showing them all praise especially when at one time and why everyone has had a target on my kids from there birth is because my daughter was made out to be the favorite and honestly I probably bought that a one time but that was many moons ago. I just want to know how you weren't there for me, her or your other child when they really needed you most and when she could use the extra push, or way to go just to encourage her to keep on the right path still no different. I guess maybe I'll never know and maybe it's not meant for me too because these are people I guess we really don't want there anyway because with them comes drama, so hey maybe I just answered my own question ♥ I guess that's the blessing of blogging! Now that I have let it out and let it go I can only hope that  from this point forward the only place my daughter and I will continue onto is a beautiful and wonderful future that Me, her Nanny & step father can all enjoy watching. So another person's loss is another's gain ♥